Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Who wins the award for stupidest (or grossest) person?

Disclaimer: This post contains two graphic images. I just thought I'd warn you.

Well I've heard some doozies over the past 24 hours. I can't decide which one is the worst.

First off, my momma got in a car accident on Easter. She's fine. But I got a voicemail on Easter night and it was her saying, "Hi Brianne, this is mom. I just wanted to tell you about my car accident," or something along those lines but nevertheless, she sounded almost bubbly. So I knew that it wasn't a really bad one and no one got hurt. She's driving home from church and this unfathomably ignorant girl runs a red light. My mom layed on the horn, the girl saw her and then sped up thinking that she could get through before my mom hit her. Well, my mom hit the back end of her car. Wow, what an idiot.

But it gets better.

Her mom walks out (their house was close maybe?), this woman is mother to a 19-year-old girl and looked to be probably in her mid-30s, covered in tattoos and was missing several teeth (including the front four)....classy. They attempted to dissuade my mom from calling the police but thankfully, my mom insisted on doing so. This woman had the police programmed into her cell phone. So they get there, this girl admits to running a red light, and two witnesses who had pulled over also atested to that. It turns out this girl didn't have a license on her either. And she threw away her temporary license because it got crumply. *banging head against wall* They also have a really shady insurance company.

I'm still not finished (can you believe it?)...

Yesterday my mom starts to deal with the insurance. Her insurance company warned her about her dealings with their insurance company because they're "tricky." So are the 19-year-old girl and her mother. One of them called their insurance place and told them that my MOM was the one who had run the red light.


This is what happens when you have the intelligence of a slug (which, for the record, are probably smarter than these fine folks)... I mean really... how STUPID does one have to be to tell their insurance people that they had the green light when they had already told police the truth, written it down on a police report and knew there were witnesses? My head is starting to hurt as I write this. People's ignorance never ceases to amaze me.

Next contestant:

On the morning show I listen to religiously, Afentra's Big Fat Morning Buzz, they do a bit on Tuesdays called I Want An Apology Tuesday (you can listen Tuesday mornings if you'd like, they've got streaming audio online now). This morning, the mother of a 5-year-old called in. Her daughter plays with a friend; sometimes she takes them out to go bowling or what have you, other times the girl's dad takes them out. This involves an outing with the friend's dad. He was supposed to take them to see Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Next thing she knows, her daughter is walking around the house trying to smoke everything and saying that she does it better than anyone else. So they called him today on the air to confront him about it. Here's what happened: they showed up to the movie theatre late so he just took them to a movie he wanted to see... Thank You For Smoking. He took two 5-year-olds to see this movie. So the mom is irate and asking him why her daughter is walking around acting like she's smoking and he goes, "I don't know! I told her not to do it. I told her it was bad. A lot of people take their kids to that movie!" and then Danny Boi (one of the DJs) interjects, "Yeah, tobacco lobbyists." The guy just keeps talking and says, "I didn't think she'd understand any of it. I just wanted to keep her busy." *popping a couple of Advil* It was kind of funny because he was so being Cliche Man. But he thought they wouldn't pay attention? Really? Little kids are walking sponges. I thought everyone knew that?? The last comment really blew me away, "I thought she was old enough I could explain it to her." Yes. You read that right. He thought that two 5-year-olds would understand smoking satire.

Final contestant:

*graphic image number 1*

Ah, Tom Cruise. What happened to you? It's best to keep your crazy Scientologist beliefs quiet. Don't you know this by now? I thought you'd completely lost it when you bought Katie an adult pacifier to keep her quiet during childbirth (yeah... right) but I guess I should know by now never to underestimate your insanity.

Apparently, after the baby is born, Tom Cruise plans to eat (put in his mouth, chew and swallow) the placenta and umbilical cord. In case you don't know how gross it is, this is what afterbirth looks like:

*graphic image number 2* (it's too gross to actually post in the blog)

According to Scientology beliefs, the afterbirth contains important nutrients and vitamins. God forbid Crazy Cruise let all that nutritious matter go to waste! *urp*

Excuse me while I go vomit....

I see the little Cruiser was born. I wonder if Tom is done gagging yet?
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