Breezy is off the Wheezy

"I am not a big fan of the Christmas song, 'The Little Drummer Boy.' Oh, sure, it's a beautiful song, for maybe the first thirty-five minutes. But eventually it gets on your nerves, those voices shrieking 'Rum-pa-pa-pum!' For openers, drums do not go "Rum-pa-pa-pum.' Drums go 'Rat-a-tat-tat.' Also, I have issues with the line that goes: 'The ox and the lamb kept time.' Really? How? Did they clack their hooves together, castanet-style? Did they dance? Are we supposed to believe that two barnyard animals with legume-level IQs spontaneously started doing the macarena? I'll tell you this: If I were taking care of a newborn baby, and somebody came around whacking on a drum, that person would find himself at the emergency room having his drumsticks surgically removed from his rum-pa-pa-pum, if you know what I mean."

-Dave Barry